The Nutcracker in 3D
"The Nutcracker in 3D" (2010). PLOT: The Nutcracker ballet everyone has loved for decades gets yet another Hollywood remake - but this time it's in 3D and really, really creepy with rats dressed like Nazis. CRITICS SAY: This is the first time any director has used the Holocaust as an allegory in a children's movie - and it should be the last.
"Fred Claus" (2007). PLOT: Vince Vaughn plays Santa Claus's jealous brother Fred, who is in constant competition with his younger, more famous sibling. CRITICS SAY: "Fred" is uninspired, predictable, and not even funny.
The Nativity Story
Christmas With the Kranks
"Christmas With the Kranks" (2004). A husband and wife decide to forgo Christmas tradition and book a Caribbean cruise instead. The plan gets complicated when they are branded Scrooges by their friends. CRITICS SAY: The message seems to be that we should all punish people who don't conform, and that's a pretty lame message.
Santa With Muscles
"Santa With Muscles" (1996). PLOT: After getting hit in the head, Blake (Hulk Hogan) suffers amnesia and thinks he's Santa Claus. CRITIC SAY: Words can't describe how bad this movie is - here's the trailer to give you an idea. You'll understand when you get to the end - if you manage to get that far.
"Jack Frost" (1998). PLOT: A dad (Michael Keaton) gets a second chance with his son when he is reincarnated as a snowman after dying in a car crash. CRITICS SAY: It doesn't matter how many Zappas you can fit into your film (Dweezil, Ahmet, and Moon Unit all make appearances) this movie still isn't cool. And Michael Keaton makes one creepy, black-eyed snowman.
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
"Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" (1964). PLOT: Martians attempt to kidnap Santa Claus so their children will have more fun. CRITICS SAY: Frequently voted as one of the worst films of all time, "SCCTM" is cheesy and ridiculous BUT gets points for originality.
Silent Night, Deadly Night
"Silent Night, Deadly Night" (1984). PLOT: A disturbed teen dresses up as Santa and goes on an axe-wielding killing spree. CRITICS SAY: The story of Santa Claus didn't need to be tarnished by a movie this bad. As movie critic Leonard Maltin said in his review "What's next, the Easter Bunny as a child molester?"
"Santa's Slay" (2005). PLOT: Santa is Satan's son and has only been delivering gifts because he lost a bet. Once the bet is off, he returns to his old, demonic ways and terrorizes the world. CRITICS SAY: Fran Drescher is killed in the first scene, but it's all downhill from there.
Jingle All the Way
"Jingle All the Way" (1996). PLOT: A deadbeat dad (Schwarzenegger) battles the mall on Christmas Eve to buy a Turbo Man toy for his son. CRITICS SAY: This movie is the second worse thing Arnold has done to bring shame on his family. Oh, did we mention the movie also stars SINBAD? Yeah, this movie also stars Sinbad.